Yeah, I sign my order at McDonalds and then they give me paper and pencil because they can’t understand instead of looking like they are doing me a favor by giving me paper and pen because I point to my ear and that means I can’t understand. Definitely different feeling!

Absolutely!! Having worked in a hearing environment for the past 12 years, I have evolved from a deaf person trying to accommodate the majority to a Deaf person that requires equality (i.e. everyone to meet halfway). As a result, I have gained a lot of respect from my colleagues over time as they see I am a complete person with my own language that is not inferior. It is not perfect since there will always be a few people that remain ignorant but I do see a big difference between making excuses for being deaf and stating your rights/being proud of being a Deaf person.

The company I work for now has started captioning their webcasts and videos after I made the request to Corporate. Previously, I politely asked for captioning, explaining it is because I am deaf. I had made it about me but that was a wrong move. Pity on me? NO! This captioning happened after I used different (and stronger) wording, showing that not captioning the webcasts is a form of discrimination against people who may prefer to watch it with captions (without making any reference to myself). Bam! It worked!

Good question as always…When I returned to school last summer and three quarters I noticed that my professors were prepared to have me in their classes. The Disabled office (I loathe this term) always informed Professors to expect students like me unlike years ago. Professors at private college where I used to attend in 80’s were unprepared and awkward when I took their classes with interpreters. I had to take the time to introduce myself and why I needed to have interpreters. This year I see time has changed dramatically and felt equal among with other students. (Yes, I do wonder how the Disabled office staff approach them) but anyway I had much easier time to develop good rapport with my Professors and they respected me that I wanted us to talk to each other without interpreters unless complicated issues. I often forgot that I was Deaf when I had conversation with them. Professors were prepared and made sure that interpreters had their chairs to sit and take break too. Really neat. I didn’t have to do the work. When I tell others that I am Deaf…Please do not get me wrong that I don’t this every time as there is no need to unless certain circumstances…one example…when some crowd and I wanted to talk to the speaker about not being treated fairly…I wanted to speak out and in that case I felt I had to inform the speaker that I am Deaf (I had no interpreter with me at that time) so they could give me time to explain the situation and have them to ask me some questions…clearly and slowly so I can understand them. Yes the crowd and speaker were stunned and were quiet for few seconds but they allowed me to voice and participate in the discussion…really impressed how they treated me and let me be heard. So it depends on the circumstance.

When I attended at private college many professors and students always asked me about being Deaf which drove me up the wall but now at De Anza…almost no one asked me about me being Deaf. One of my note taker which we became good friends asked me many months later about me being Deaf. I like that because she got to know me first as a person and when we become friends then she asked me those questions which I appreciate it immensely.

Correction here…When I tell others that I am Deaf…Please do not get me wrong that I do this every time as there is no need to unless certain circumstances…

oh yes!
glad you got it after all those years of being so “deafy”. , , of course i am deaf and accept it as a fact. there will be always some frustrations and limitations.
i myself am at ease with the hearing. guess it is just my natural way in earning their respect. the world itself is “hearing” and it takes time to convict them that i am a full person, too.
I love both worlds of Deaf and Hearing. it offers me much more enjoyable life.
just do not turn the hearing off by being a smart aleck.or so darn demanding?
guess what? i could not speak nor lipread, but i get along with the hearing just fine. not all of them quickly at first.
being fun and a hard worker helps, too.
if anything becomes so difficult, go the pad and pencil method. i usually have to stay one step ahead of them. a big meeting means a request for an interpreter.
teach them some signs or accept their own signs . . .gestures? put them at ease first then they will respect us later on. you just did a perfect thing! many of us use this approach for generations. or just more and more of you young deaf get this picture?

Joey-

You always asked viewers good questions…now Can I ask you some questions? I wonder how does your son and daughter feel when you attend to their sport practice and communicate with other hearing children? Do they feel embarrassed or awkward? Do your children feel that they have to help you to interpret if other children wanted to ask you some questions? Or do you make sure to leave your children out and tell other children to write notes to you? Hope you do not mind me asking because I feel that maybe other Deaf parents can learn from you and avoid putting responsibility or burden on their hearing children to interpret for them and other children.

Same as Don G above. I sign and let them figure it out.

Communicating with young people is easier though….they are more receptive.

Yeah, I had experience with my two children before when my two children play soccer. I never said I’m deaf or can’t hear… I just went ahead and be normal person. I never had any problem.. Now my kids are getting older and still playing sports. Both children played soccer since age 4 and now both went different sport. my son play football and my older daughter now in high school is looking forward to join HS soccer team. Especially my husband is hard of hearing.. He always involve with children sports. He always introduce me to hearing people and had no problem with that.

Yes!!! My daughter plays soccer so I attend her games too. I do notice that when I indicate via gestures that I am deaf, I would get a typical response, “Oh, ok.” Back then, I did not think of it. Now you have raised a rather interesting perspective. By informing them I am deaf, I inadvertently put up a wall and degrade myself in the process. I send them a message that I am “disabled” and they have to deal with me as a disabled person. They then feel ill at ease because they do not know what to do with me, perhaps they wonder if they have to accommodate me. I, on the other hand, would become a bit anxious and self-conscious. Looking back, I realize I had stopped saying I am deaf whenever I attended a game. If I need to know something, I would just go up to a parent I do not know and ask a question. Most of the time, the parent would not be taken aback by my gestures and/or my “funny” voice. He replies in a friendly way. Occasionally, he would make a comment during the game. What a difference! Thank you for sharing your experiences.

I do believe it makes a big differences…there are times I do not let them know that I am deaf first and they treat me like I am human..if i tell them that I am deaf first then they treat me like I have an disability and have to be treated like a dummy with care..

I may be silly but I really hate that and lately I have been making an effort to rebuke it. Every places I go, I show that I am deaf first before who I am and when they treat me below average then I surprise them with my attitude by letting them know that their approach sucks (kindly of course)..How has that worked out for me?? Not well, obviously because now they think that deaf is rude with a disability. sigh….

I am now realizing that it is not worth it…maybe I am feeling defeated that I can’t be “deaf” first as an identity of who I am…so, I stopped doing that and state my name as an identity then they find out that I am deaf later and still have little more respect for me becuz they are seeing that I am capable of performing just as well as they can..

So, in conclusion, I would agree with you…but I wouldn’t call that “being yourself” because some of us identify ourselves as Deaf first before our names…some don’t…

I belong to a hearing family and I have my own hearing family and I am the only deaf in both families….as much as I love them, I still don’t feel like I can be me wholly..I am not saying that my family treat me like most public places do but they do make me get involved with the “hearing” world where I do not use my language as often…maybe that is why I try to make a point that I am deaf before my name but I am not liking the result…..

interesting eh?

Thinking about this a bit more — you are describing Basketball — that is a physical activity, sure, it’s easy to show and demonstrate what to do, etc. Now, what if it is your kid’s Drama club (you can’t hear the cues or help practice lines) or a Hearing party where they are just standing around and talking. Do then?

Hi,

I learned from someone about how do use to approach to the hearing people without the displaying of ear (fingerpoint). I used the sign language. They did change their behavoir. It was working at all. In the result, I can see a real equal as hearing people. I would encrouage everyone to use the sign language without the displaying of ear (fingerpoint)

I was born deaf. Taught oralism first. I never explained I’m deaf. Just mingled with everybody like you did when you stopped introducing with “Deaf”. At age 11 learned ASL. Then I went to public high schools when there were no interpreters available. I went from class to class without explaining I’m deaf. Later on I tried introducing “deaf’ and it only got worse, everybody stopped what they were doing, to watch. Then they started pitching in trying to explain what the others are saying. I trying to read all of their lips at the same time. Whoa!! No more! 🙂

Joey, Interesting.

My twin sister and I both know sign, worked as interpreters in junior college; now we are both hard-of-hearing (same ear). I am teach junior high at a private school (hearing kids); ASL is one of the subjects i get to teach! I have a hard time hearing some of my kids…they talk so quiet! I tell them, “You have to speak up, Mrs. K can’t hear you.” On my biography on the school website, I have debated whether or not to include “HOH” as part of who i am as that is how i identify myself. the problem would be would it result in parents pulling their kids out of the school.

On a positive note, we have a new family coming to our school this year. The mom is Deaf and one of my students from last year told the family that I know ASL which has helped them decide to transition to our school.

Should I identify myself as HOH on the website, or not? comments?

John M. — I like that. I’m going to try that and see what reactions I get when Hearing people come into my office asking where the bathroom is or some such. Curious how much difference it will make.

Few were good and bad.
My hearing daughter was cheerleader for 6 years, last spring was her last. Cheerleaders had been required all parents to involve into it for earning moneys for selling, car wash, etc. to support for their trips to competition. Got some good experience, except bad was the mothers did not keep me posted what’s going on at competition, they talked behind my back. I had to go through a rough times by time I talked with school to get interpreter for cheerleader trips, meetings, and parents. It was helpful, it start getting better by a little time. Few mothers were good to me, they kept contact through email me.
My girl had been gone to three different private schools, met new faces over and over.

Your topic is good, I agree with you.

It depends. I will show you some examples.

RESTAURANT:
On a menu, I would point at sushi and sign “4” as I look at a waitress. She would understand promptly.

OFFICE DEPOT, DOCTOR, POST OFFICE:
I would write on paper before I enter the store. A salesperson knows instantly that I use paper for communication. Then he would respond in the same way.

#1 PASSERBY: He asks where the National Zoo is. I use gestuno: “Two blocks south.”

#2 PASSERBY: He speaks so fast when he asks a question. I offer my PP (pen and paper). With the eyes of a frog, he would mouth exaggeratingly, “Can you lipread?” I would smile and write, “No, but I can read and write! Can you?”

EUROPEANS (not including Brits): I have never had any problems with them on train or plane or in a restaurant. We would use a great deal of gestures without their knowing that we are deaf!

Thanks for all of the comments above.

Penny (#7) – Good questions!! I do not believe that my children are embarassed that we are deaf because we always try to act normal. But that’s something we never asked whether they felt that way.

There are some situations they will just offered to interpret when we had difficult time communicating. I also am guilty for asking them to interpret few things as well. My wife and I agreed that we must stop doing this – even decline their offer to interpret as well. We agreed that we need to show that we are able to communicate somehow ourselves.

What about others?

Don G (#13) – I understand what you are trying to say and I agree with you that it is easier to interact with hearing children while doing physical activities. However, in other situations, we will just do the same and figure it out to communicate without losing any respect from hearing people.

That’s other reason I am bringing this up – to see what others have to say and share their experience as well. Maybe in 20 years, we will not even be discussing this kind of thing! 🙂

Cynthia K (#16) – You asked whether you should call yourself HoH on the website. To be honest with you, that’s something you need to decide yourself. I always say this – do what you think is best for yourself – not what others think of you.

I can understand how awkward it can become. Have you seen Riding for Deaf Schools vlog? In that vlog, Robin Horwitz, showed that he never said he was deaf until his hearing clients meet him in person, they were completely surprised that he was deaf. At the end, he got more respect than ever. So maybe you do not need to mention anything and let people find out themselves?

Joey-

I saw your reply in Deafvideo.tv that you agreed with Rogue re; not asking for interpreter for job interview. I agreed with both of you. Three or four years ago when I was asked to come in for interview I decided not to ask for interpreter. Lo and Behold I got the job offer (temp basis). I could tell that the manager wanted to know about me being Deaf. I had the full control in the interview because the employment law does not allow managers or employees to ask us about our disabilities. However, I was too nice and told her about myself. Now I am doing some job hunting and I have decided not to ask for interpreter for my job interview. Let us see what is going to happen. 🙂

I’ve started “signing” to hearing people and allow them make the accommadation to meet my and my son’s needs intstead after I took a deaf education class at Western Maryland College 13 years ago.

David O Reyonlds was our professor with Dr. Coryell when he told us that we shouldn’t degrade ourselves just because we “can’t” hear. Once we shook our head “no-hear”, it became negative and a less person. Ever since he mentioned, It struck me big time and I’ve signed to the hearing people every since.

Thanks David for the inspiriation!! 🙂

Thanks Joey for bring up the discussion on vlog where everyone can discuss…because not all of you had the chance to take class with him and Dry Coryell.

🙂 Marsha

I agree with you! It is very important to give hearing people impression that we can communicate and listen with our eyes. More often my hearing friends forgot that I am Deaf, and look at me as an equally being because I communicate and do things with them like you explained.
Lets practice that everyday. I jumped up and down like a kid when you explained this clearly!!!

Great Topic. From my experience in any sports as involvement no matter where you from such as North or south pole or all colors and races, they treat with all respect. Very true on your comments and normally with an involvement is more positive.